Feb 3 2014 - Trusting my darkness.

Many feel that some people learn faster than others, or at least faster than themselves.

This is buying into: the "better than thou" mentality, which is competitive and separates us as a people, by putting us all on a ladder.   

The ladder denotes ones that are above us, and ones that are below us.  Because its a ladder and there is only room for 1 person on each prong, we are alone in between what we deem as better and less than.

It is my truth that we are all one and all connected, so if I stand on a ladder, I promote fear and separation.  If I get off the ladder, I promote compassion and unity.  

Understanding came in slowly for me, I have spent a minimum of 3 to 5 hours a day over the past 10 months reading, studying, journaling, conversing, absorbing, re-reading everything I could get my hands on to comprehend what it was about me that attracted an active addict into my life.  

Given this rigorous schedule and time frame, understanding came very slowly....

I slowly came to the understanding that, when I give something up to the universe, to Creator or whatever works for each of us as individuals, is actually trusting my higher self.

I discovered I can only trust myself or my higher self if, "I stop lying to myself."

The confusion was in the not knowing how I was lying to myself.

In a profound way Creator, my guides, and my higher self, gently carried me towards this understanding through the depths of my darkness.  

A darkness that played with me like I was a Yo-Yo...  

Tormenting me,

with my lies,

the ones I deny that exist,

the ones I tell myself

through my sub-conscious mind,

that I was so disconnected

from

that I was blind to

what was truth

within me,

and

what was a lie.

The movie "The Secret" did not work for me in some areas and it did in others.

WHY?

I believe it was because I only tapped into the sub-conscious part of my mind that I knew was positive, and that's the area that the secret worked.  

Discovering the truth buried deep with in my darkness created fear, panic, terror and made me a vibrational match to having an active addict in my life.

In that depth, that I, along with most of humanity fear, I found light...

The light shone brighter when I stopped lying to myself, when I stopped trying all those Affirmations alone...

The light glowed when I honored my darkness, spoke its truth and found the matching positive belief that is on the same vibration of my darkness.

Am I in the light all the time?

 NO!!!!

I am human and this is a process....

I feel freer because of this process.

I experience deep peace.

Just a little more than I use to.

I have a long way to go!!!

In grace and light

Mj