I live in a cycle where I really connect to the theory of the onion. The peeling away layers over the journey as well as being in a circle.
I have been for over 25 years and am still in constant training, at first it was for my sanity and now it is to be the best I can be for those in my life, and those who trust me enough to hold space for them on their journey.
I have learned many things, that assisted me as I navigated the onion layers.
Peter Levine teaches about the trauma vortex, and how it is as though, one can get stuck one into a repetitive cycle of retraumatizing oneself over and over again. He teaches how trauma gets caught in a repetitive narrative.
This to me is where I connect the onion, each layer can cause tears, and if you push through as many of us do, to try to get the onion sliced, to end the suffering, before I am able to truly be with the tears, the vortex closes one off too deeper aspects of self.
There seems to be no access or even awareness of anymore layers or even the next layer.
At the same time there are so many symptoms still very active in my body.
Almost as if I take the outside layer of the onion and keep cutting it, over and over and over, creating tears from the juices and then in a moment of disconnect I touch my eyes to wipe away the tears and fill my eyes with the stinging juice of the onion.
When this clears I notice that the layer is still intact, all the work I have done and there seems to be little evidence of it.
This brings me to many questions, a never-ending cycle of:
What,
Why,
How
and
When.
What if we don’t recognize the narrative in the symptoms?
What if the symptoms and the narrative don’t make cognitive sense?
Why do I keep experiencing things the medical profession cannot seem to discover the cause?
How can I function with these symptoms never being understood?
When will this cycle end?
Is it possible to enter the floor of the Trauma Vortex?
I live in a cyre I really connect to the theory of the onion. The peeling away layers over the journey as well as being in a circle. . enough to hold space for them on their journey ..uy.u.
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