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April 18 2017 - What a 3 Day Detox revealed about me!

My husband and I braved a Detox, not to lose weight, but to detox. We had never tried one and because this was only 3 days it seemed we would live.

My reasons were purely emotional, working at integrating mind body and spirit. Knowing that there were things in the way of connecting to why I ate the way I do, why I cannot commit to a diet.

Events have more power than we are conscious of. We give ourselves permission to just be, and overlook the possibility that at some point we need to stand up for ourselves, release ourselves from the idea of “just being” and take responsibility for all the programing we chose to buy into, and ignore.

Over the past 7 years of our lives, a lot has happened. We have lived with the healing journey of mental health, undiagnosed and untreated postpartum depression, that turned into alcoholism and how it has not only affected the two of us, how it has affected our entire family.

In 2010 our 2nd daughter had her second child and was never herself again. She suffered severe postpartum depression that went undiagnosed and therefore untreated. She did not have a supportive partner and unfortunately, her postpartum depression was treated with Alcohol. By the time this became clear to her family the addiction completely owned our precious daughter.

In 2013, our daughter who was deep into the alcohol addiction, moved from Alberta to Nova Scotia taking her two children under the age of 4.

We were torn apart at the loss of all 3 of them, as a mother knowing the state of our daughter and not knowing what would be available for her out east I was devastated. As an intuitive empath, I knew my daughter would never come home alive and feared I would never see her again.

Doing the work, going to Al-anon (highly recommended) and being present with each other’s pain and shadows, we managed to find life again. I was blessed with a trip out to hold my daughter one last time 10 months after she went east.

In the beginning of 2014, Todd and I quit smoking, gaining a few pounds didn’t harm us. I began my formal work with others through shadow work. Integrating all my losses brought me closer to who I am in such a profound way, yet there were so many aspects needed to work through.

I live what I teach, I was learning to love my body in a way I had never done before. One of my favorite sayings is “You were the only soul that could manage and live with the uniqueness of the body you have, no one else could do it.”

So “It’s your body, wear it!” So, I began to connect with what I had lived with for over 50 years. Each moment was different, there were challenges and there were so many surprises to discover.

Unexpectedly Todd’s mother passed away, this shifted both Todd and I in such a way that we grew closer than we had ever been. The grief that flowed was tremendous and both of us are grateful for the training under Dr. Jane Simington with grief, as it was key to us growing through this loss. (to find out more about Dr. Jane Simington follow the link)

3 months later, my inner fears and inner knowing happened, we had not even got our feet under us again when the tragic loss of our 33-year-old daughter occurred. She passed away from Alcohol poisoning. I picked up a cigarette as soon as I got up off the floor the moment I heard.

Grief takes a toll on the body, as much as it does on the spirit, soul, and mind. My journey through the losses was not easy, I took my time. I quit my job and just allowed myself to grieve, to be in the pain and sorrow. I took courses, read everything I could and participated in several grief groups. All working with my mind and spirit. This all assisted in the integration of the 2 losses.

Over the next 2 years, we lost 2 more loving family members, along with our 2 family dogs. We were tested as a couple and as friends. We both grew mentally, emotionally and spiritually and were faced with the many changes required to live with the losses. But our bodies were not really part of the work. We tried to diet, that failed. We quit smoking over a year ago and had gained more weight than we expected. The more we dieted the less we managed to lose weight.

We began dancing 2 nights a week for exercise and I walk the dog daily. Yet no matter what we did our weight did not shift. I began to make the connection between the grief of the past 7 years and the toll it has had on my body. It seemed each time we came up for air, another loss would remove the ground from under us.

Grief is a part of life and there are so many ways it shows up.

We as a society are far too under-educated in this area.

Sadly, we all will have to live with it at one point, yet the resistance to preparing for it is profound…

What I know for certain is, the only way to have the ability to function in a lifetime of grief is to know;


To allow love, rather than to resist love.

To honor this body that only I can honor, and to develop a deeper connection to a higher power, whatever that might be.

To allow myself to feel all that I feel.

These four aspects encompass for me are:

Body, Mind, Spirit/Soul and Emotional Being.

They take a daily commitment, much like the daily commitment to brushing your teeth. The commitment for me, is to wade through the shadows of my own conditioning, not for fame or blame, and learn to love what comes up.

I have learnt to release resistance to shame and what is lurking in the corners.

I have found the hidden treasures.

I have learned to celebrate the victories and integrate the seeping wounds into personal power to assist in my awakening and the work I do.

For me, it is not about being this great healer or gifted teacher for others, it’s about being a great healer for me, a great teacher for me.

The other things just follow naturally, they are not forced, or striven for, they just show up.

During this Detox, I honored the body, my body.

I focused on what it needed, and I honored the shadows that came visiting.

I experienced an opportunity to face what came clear, to honor it, to acknowledge it by writing about it.

To not dismiss it, to allow it to be all that it was.


Doing this I discovered the gifts hidden beneath all those feared and avoided feelings. I began to smile as I was writing, then to laugh. I smiled at the tenacity I had for self-protection by the age of 10, I had the ability at this young age to take care of myself, to stand for me regardless of the consequences.

Those of you who know me, are aware of a traumatic childhood I had, so the consequences were huge. But, Oh, how I must have pissed my mother off, I refused to back down!

Through honoring the shadow aspect of myself that showed up during this Detox, I have discovered a side of me that has tremendous will power. That will not back down from what I believe in.

This part of me had revealed itself to me over my life, yet I could never tap into the strength and commitment of it, and to some who know me is a surprise. I have stamina and will power which is evident in my life. I have recently discovered, this will power, and stamina has always been fueled by defiance. I refused to give my past power to infect my present and am willing to do the work to live this.

The part of will power and stamina that I could not grab with the part that is fueled by self-love, not self-preservation.

What a gift I have received from a 3-day Detox… I am in awe.

I am not saying coming to this integration was easy, I had to mother myself through the hardest part of the shadow and through the feelings of deprivation on the last day of the detox.

Mother myself I did!

Physically the outcome of the Detox:

Todd shed 12.8 lbs and I shed 5.4 lbs.

We are both thinking clearer than we have been for years and when we wake in the morning we are alert even when we have had a rough sleep.

Our eating habits have changed, mine are free of shadows.

Our palates have changed.

I highly recommend this 3-day Detox.

In grace and love


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