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Feb 12 2017 - 5:52 pm - What I have done for the past 28 months.




While walking our dog, I began to go through a grounding process that I do daily during my walk.  

I struggled with a part of it,

I have for a long time now.  


When the time came to call my name down my grounding cord, I hesitated.  

I had been calling my married name down the cord, because I liked that name.

Every time I tried to use my birth name I would feel disgust well up inside of me.  

I had long since set this aside and used my married name.


This day was different.


I struggled, I was pulled to call my birth name, I shuttered,

UGG!

and called down my married name.  

Then the observer in me made a statement.  

"So you reject who you came here to be! Huh!"  

There was no judgement, just awareness and acknowledgement.


From that moment the energy of UGG! began to lift and calling my name down my grounding cord is getting easier.  


I recognized this as a major step in my healing journey.  

I am okay being broken,

yet I was not okay with who I came here to be.  


I had work to do.


What have I been doing for 28 months;


I have been grieving.


I have been reading everything I could get my hands on regarding the loss of a child.  


One of my favorite is Tom Zuba you can follow the link to find him.  https://www.facebook.com/tomzuba1/


I have attended 3 different grief workshops, from 6 weeks to 12 weeks.

I participated in several different child loss support groups.

I reached out to those who could help me.

I attended sweats.

I read countless grief manuals, work books and attended seminars when I could.

I worked on being okay that I was broken.

I listened to countless audio teachings and stories, including Hay House Radio. https://www.hayhouseradio.com/#!/


I journaled, took notes, read my journals and my notes.


I was able to meditate again shortly before the second anniversary of my daughters passing.


I talked to who ever would listen about my process, thanks to all you beautiful souls with great ears.


I began to take risks, taking a trip without my husband in January was pivotal for me.


Grateful for the beautiful souls who cared for me during that time.


I began to smile and laugh again.  

Not because I have gotten over the loss,

but because I am integrating it into my life.

I am a mother who's adult child has passed away.

But I am more than that and I can feel that now.

In Grace and Light

Mj

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