In the end of August 2018 I wrote about our move. Even today, this still holds resonance as I move forward in my business...
Moving is part of life, below is our journey written just 11 weeks after the move.
As the family photos begin to be placed around the house, I reflect on this recent move and I am more aware of how, moving entails so much more than I had ever considered.
This statement sees so funny for me to say considering, I moved so much in the first 35 years of my life. I moved up to 3 times a year, never stayed in a place longer than 3 years in my life, which only happened 2 times in my childhood. From 13, I moved every year, changed cities on average every 3 years. That averages out to be 42 times in 37 years, and this is taking into consideration that I have lived in our most recent house for 18 years.
Each move was a journey, many come with terribly funny stories that were not funny while we were in the middle of them. Looking back, I understand now why I am not a fan of moving.
Moving offers change, of residence, be it work or home. What comes with this change is a great awareness that can take a long time to recognize.
Moving in my younger years was not my choice, change was not my choice. Yet I adapted, albeit terribly at times, I know it was an education that I am forever shifting into wisdom. Gratefully we all have the opportunity to shift our life from experience and knowledge into direction and wisdom. I don’t always achieve this, yet I feel I am here for this journey.
Moving in my early adult years was fear motivated, seeking safety from an abusive relationship that kept me running for many years. Dragging my children who did not get a choice. This became their cross to bear! I had no idea how this was affecting them. Looking back, I can see a minuet window into how it affected them. I cannot carry the task of healing this for them, that is their task. All I can do is acknowledge that I have done this, forgive myself, and hold them in love as they find their way through their education via me.
This all requires moving, moving out of the need to save my children, to heal my children from things I unknowingly did or didn’t do. Moving from the perception that we are fine to the understanding that we are struggling, we just don’t know what we are struggling with.
What is it that I actually struggled with?
The moving, the fear I held?
Was it what I had, and had to give up?
Was it the fear of establishing new connections?
The fear of losing old connections?
Is it the belief all of these things cause me to choose, as a result of the moving?
Looking for what I am struggling with is necessary for my life to shift.
Looking is not entering the victim state. Looking is entering a place of observation, to assist me in gaining an understanding of myself, my journey, my behaviors, my actions or reactions.
There is no blame in movement, there is no growth in blame, there is no growth in victim-hood.
I am not saying victims are not to be validated, I am suggesting keeping myself there offers nothing beneficial.
Moving breaks stagnation, it offers something new, be it downsizing or up-sizing, mental or emotional.
Moving is beneficial even if it does not feel beneficial.
For me and my husband, it not only involved the location, the house, the town the community. The financial costs of the move and the financial cost of the new home.
It also involved the energy of the many applicants for tenancy in our current home and the difficulty of being both energetically and financially, considerate in the process.
It also involved the energy of the new location.
The energy of this home called me 1 ½ years prior to our even looking at it. The previous owners are loving and caring individuals who took pride in their home which assisted in us choosing this home. They had a great love for their work in creating a peaceful and beautiful back yard. There is nothing wrong with their energy.
For a person sensitive to energy, this is the most important thing to recognize; another person’s energy is just that, it is their energy, and it is entirely different than yours. That energy is in every aspect of their home and their yard. There is no need to look for reasons that justify any challenge a sensitive person has with energy. When we are coming up with reasons, we are only seeking blame, for something that there are no victims, so it does not require blame.
I have heard “you are not centered” and “you just have to get centered again”.
I want to be very clear, this has nothing to do with being uncentered. For me being uncentered is not a possibility, there is no such thing.
I am completely centered at all times when I am tapped into my experience, my centeredness may not look “positive” to the outside world. I may be in a world full of chaos, but I am actually in the center of it… Not on the outside looking in, fully centered even when I think I am not.
It is important to recognize that this is my journey and allowing the experience of it, is the most centered thing I can do.
Moving involves stressors, and I have experienced a plethora of stressors this time around.
From the timing and a hopeful perception that Todd and I had what is needed to accomplish everything we stuffed into a week, let alone the summer.
With many, many moments of knowing we:
“BIT OFF WAY MORE THAN WE COULD CHEW”
along with
“WE ARE COMPLETELY INSANE”.
We experienced movers who ripped us off, and damaged so much. Leaving us not able to afford cleaners for our rental. We had to find a way to fit cleaning the old house and getting it ready for the tenants. This was not the most fun for 2 of our grandchildren who were here to spend the summer with us.
Did I mention how we wondered if we were completely insane?
Our 2 grandchildren arrived on possession date of our new home, such an exciting time for them and us!!!
The movers were a great training for me, to be able to enjoy something in a moment of complete disaster….
I managed this poorly, yet I was completely centered.
Centered in my frustration with movers who were ripping me off, allowing some to see a side of me that they had not seen.
Centered in the human experience of frustration and anger.
I did not apologize for this, I owned it.
Some would say that this is not centered and defiantly not spiritual.
That’s ok, I think that I am a spiritual being having a human experience, this was defiantly a human experience. I perceive the Human experience as a spiritual experience.
We picked up a long-planned addition to our pet family on the day after we took possession of our new home, was I completely off my rocker???
Lol Yes…. Puppy training is a work in progress….
With my schedule and training, our dog Hazel was really lonely, a puppy solved this problem.
Todd's work became all consuming for him, taking him from time with the kids, grand-kids and me. Being at work from 8 am until 9 pm daily with a weekly all nighter thrown in, made life a challenge for him. The emotional loss of time with his family, the inability to help his wife with the grand-kids, the house, unpacking and setting things up, along with cleaning and preparing the old place for the tenants, weighed heavy on his heart.
We didn’t plan Todd to work like he had to, we didn’t plan for me to be alone with the grand-kids, the house, the puppy, our family that visited. Gratefully our son and his family got time with the 2 grand-kids from out east, because they didn’t get any time with me or Todd.
We are strong individuals, we hunker down and don’t stop until we see the light, we have missed out on so much this summer, yet we have had moments filled with so much peace and joy. We had to let go of plans for September and even possibly October, yet we are still standing…
Moving has a light side and a shadow side, for myself, the shadows have never scared me, and never been so easily recognized, even though they were not quickly integrated this time. The thoughts “nothing is by accident” keeps floating through my mind.
Insanity is no accident, I am completely insane at times, I have this faith in Todd and me, in our ability to handle anything together.
This is a great thing, yet we are getting too old to do this to ourselves any more.
We have seen the light, and learned we need to take on one thing at a time.
Maybe we will follow this lesson.
Never in all my moving experience has a move taken me so long to complete, 11 weeks ago we took possession of our new home, our bed is not put together, (we know where it is, that has been crucial) the basement is still not unpacked or set up, the garage is a disaster, the yard sheds are filed with “who knows what”, and we are still looking for things we need on a daily basis….
Holding center in such chaos was easy, extending this beyond the self, to consider others was not so easy, there are many moments we missed due to the inability to not always be able to take our eyes off the tasks and just enjoy the moments.
This is generally an aspect of moving and all go through it. We were not prepared for it to take 11 weeks. This drained our energy, living in this state of unrest is also draining. We desperately need sleep to recharge.
For an energy sensitive person, sleep might not be achievable when the energy of the place is not regulated.
It is an Energy Sensitive persons responsibility to regulate the energy of the space, not anyone else’s.
This took many years for me to understand and learn how to do.
Sleep is not an option for me if I have not regulated the energy of the space, I am in.
I smudged the house, in a hurried state, I just did a quick clearing.
This is great in a bind, and will do good, but I need a bit more. I knew that the land needed healing and the time for that was not present.
A Shadow aspect of moving is:
“the energy of the previous owners and the energy of this home.”
It has been a big task on my shoulders, regulating the energy is crucial to my ability to rest. I have put it off for 11 weeks and I can no longer.
I need to honor all the energy in this home, what it brings forth for me to shift within me, to heal within me.
So, as I write this, I am integrating, honoring and shifting the energy.
The energy of loss, loss of this home for the previous owners is evident.
The previous owners also lost 2 family members who lived in this home with them. This energy seeped out of the floor boards.
The energy of their faith, there is nothing wrong with their faith, it just isn’t mine, and needs to be recognized as part of the walls and foundation.
The energy of their beliefs, beliefs that supported them all their lives held them together and assisted in their happy life hold the rafters in place on the walls.
Finally, what sheltered them from the weather was the shingles that were filled with the energy of their love for each other and for others.
None of this energy is negative, it is just not mine. For an Energy sensitive person, this is crucial to recognize, to own and to respect, to honor and then to release as, our energy must fill these spaces.
Beginning with Todd's and my energy of loss, moving from our safe place to something new, our grief must shift us and move into the floor boards, to support our journey in building a stronger place to walk on as we work through the integration of the loss into this new space.
At the same time, the previous owner’s energy of loss must be set free to the universe to be forever honored and freed.
Our faith will blend with the aspects of the previous owner’s faith, the aspect that matches in the walls and the foundation, while moving out the aspects that do not serve Todd and I in creating a stronger foundation in this new home.
The energy of our beliefs must find its way into the rafters as it honors and frees the previous owner’s energy to assist them on their next adventure. Our beliefs hold us together as the rafters are supported by our walls of faith.
Our energy of love for each other must blend with the aspects of the previous owners love that protected them from the elements in the shingles that shelter us from all form of weather, while moving out their energy to continue to shelter them where ever they are.
Once we have honored and regulated this energy we will rest at night, we will feel a connection to this new home and begin to release ourselves from the thick energy of chaos that has consumed us.
We have lots of time to unpack and get settled, we will find all that we are missing, and I will be ready for business in November. Its all good, we are taken care of and sheltered by our love for each other.
The shadow side of moving is so important….
As I gain a greater understanding of how moving entails so much more than packing and unpacking.
Wisdom is reveled when knowledge and experience is blended with love…
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